22 posts tagged “funny”
I don't remember seeing this sign on the wall of my doctor's office last year.
The weather station Ken gave me for Christmas seems to think that when I go outside today I should be topless!
I stole this from a friend on Facebook who stole it from a friend of his on Facebook....
10 Reasons Why Gay Marriage is "Wrong"
1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never
adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the
service-sector economy, or longer life spans.
This basket has been sitting on the step for about a year. Just this week Warren decided that it's a good place to sit.
I think it's pretty good. What do you think?
Don't know why Warren has to sit back in the corner like this whenever he gets a drink. He has no problem parking himself out in front of the dishes to eat. Goofy cat.
That bottom slice just keeps getting bigger and bigger....
SARAH PALIN: Before it got to the other side, I shot the chicken,
cleaned and dressed it, and had chicken burgers for lunch.
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a
change! The chicken wanted
change!
JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because
he
recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the
chickens on the other side of the road.
JOE BIDEN: Is this a joke? Is that a real question?
HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little
chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified
to ensure right from day one that every chicken in this country gets the
chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about
me.
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road.
We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not.
The chicken is either against us, or for us. There
is no middle ground
here.
DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?
COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see
the
satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your
definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the
chicken.
JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now
against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the
chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black
chickens.
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize
that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before
it goes after the problem on the other side of the road.. What we need to
do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his
current problems before adding new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having
problems, which is
why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken
learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm
going to give this chicken a car
so that he can just drive across the
road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but
we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of
the
road.
NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can
see it in his eyes and the way he walks.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking
American.
MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was
going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs
when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any
insider information.
DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been
told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Somebody told us the chicken crossed
the road, and that was good enough.
BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will
be
listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming
story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to
accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road..
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the
road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads
together, in peace.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 2008, which will not only
cross roads, but will lay
eggs, file your important documents, and
balance your checkbook. Internet
Explorer is an integral part of
eChicken 2008.. This new platform is much more stable and will never
crash or need to be rebooted.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road
move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
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